One of the terms I dislike the most when it comes to relationships is “falling in love”.  This may sound like an odd thing to say given it is so widely used in our society, but the term itself implies that love is something that happens accidentally and uncontrollably.  It tells us that love is something that happens whether we want it to or not, and often the message that goes along with it is that we can’t help it and we just need to let it happen.  Movies and television shows portray this magical illusion where people meet and connect and, while they may have some difficulties to start with (because what sort of story-line doesn’t have some issue to be resolved), it all works out in the end because they “fall in love”.  Love conquers all and makes everything better.  There’s no real work or effort involved, one party just needs to realise they are in love with another party and it all magically works out.

Whilst there is an element of truth in the fact that love can catch us off guard, real life isn’t like the movies (which I’m happy about, because I’d just end up as the comic relief).  Let me say that I am not being negative about relationships or about love.  Love is a wonderful thing.  It brings joy, connection, healing and freedom.  It has the power to make huge differences in people’s lives.  But when it comes to relationships, love is not a magic potion that miraculously fixes everything.  Love is not fairy dust that makes us fly when we think happy thoughts.  Love is a glue that binds us together, it is a salve that can ease hurts, it is an oil that can smooth the cogs of our interactions, and is a filter that can help us see past imperfections.  But for love to do these things we have to put it into action.  We can’t just sit love on the shelf and hope it will do its thing, we have to be proactive in our love.  We have to be intentional.

So how can we be intentional about our relationships?  The way I see it, there are three key aspects that we can be intentional about in our relationships: The “I”, The “You” and the “Us”.  The “I” is how we fit into the relationship and what we can do to make sure we are bringing our best.  The “You” is the other person in the relationship and how we can get to know them and interact with them in the best way.  The “Us” is the relationship itself and how we can best establish it, maintain it and grow it.  Each area is intertwined and equally important.  If we focus on one and neglect the others, our relationships will be unhealthy and unbalanced, so we need to make sure we pay attention to each area.  Over the next few weeks I’m going to explore these areas in more depth and look at how we can be intentional in each of them.  These are largely based around intimate relationships, but they are principles we can apply to any relationship we have.

Our society doesn’t encourage us to be intentional about our relationships, it just wants us to go with the flow and do whatever feels good at the time.  The trouble with this is that in order for our relationships to be healthy and stable, we need to be willing to put effort into them, which means being intentional.  We need to be intentional about the “I” so that we can be the best we can be.  We need to be intentional about the “You” so we can love them the best we can.  And we need to be intentional about the “Us” so it can be built on a solid foundation and grow into the future.

What will you do to be intentional in your relationships today?